Comedians, actors, former teammates, and even rivals all showed up for a three+ hour special of roasting the former NFL star, Tom Brady! Before the roast even started, audiences were all told fifteen minutes before the show ‘to leave cancel culture out the window’ because what they might hear isn’t exactly PG. Here are a few of the highlights:
Kevin Hart
Kevin Hart was prepped and ready to literally lose his friendship with Brady during this special, targeting his divorce, love life, retirements, and so much more. On a talk with Entertainment Tonight before the roast, Hart said,
I’m being mean today, I’m not nice Kevin today… I’m expecting to lose the relationship with Tom after today. I’ve already come in with that… I don’t think he has a real idea of, you know, what the world of roasting is, so it’s going to get a little ugly but it’s fun!
Hart came strong poking fun at Tom Brady who chose his career over his marriage with Gisele Bündchen, which eventually led to their divorce. One Kevin Hart said was,
When you got a chance to go 8-9 and all it will cost you is your wife and your kids, you gotta do it.
Jeff Ross
If it’s a celebrity roast then you can bet that “The Roastmaster General”, Jeff Ross is in attendance. Ross has been roasting celebrities for around 20 years and he absolutely delivered,
Tom was eventually 199th in the NFL Draft,” Ross said. “He sat there for days, waiting and waiting, and then you were finally picked in the 6th round when Bill Belichick’s dog stepped on the keyboard by accident.
One particular joke from Ross got Brady standing up and whispering what some fans say is “Never say that sh** again”. The joke was,
Tom became a Patriot, moved up to New England, and on the first day of training camp, that scrawny rookie famously walked into the owner Robert Kraft’s office and said ‘I’m the best decision your organization has ever made. Would you like a massage?
Tom Brady was not happy about Jeff Ross massage joke about him and Robert Kraft 😂 pic.twitter.com/WlAs3cHoTn
— Coby’s Gambling Corner (@CobyValentine24) May 6, 2024
For context Kraft and others were charged in 2019 for solicitation, part of an anti-sex trafficking investigation into several of Florida’s message parlors.
Drew Bledsoe
Bledsoe had a few quips ready. Bledsoe was The Patriots’ quarterback before he was replaced by the man of the hour, Tom Brady because of an injury.
Look, buddy, you have more rings than I do, But I’ve experienced a couple of things that you will never experience: The feeling of being the No. 1 overall draft pick in the NFL and a 28th wedding anniversary. It was yesterday.
Nikki Glaser
Glaser probably had the more creative approach to her roasts, which not only took a shot at Brady’s marriage and football career but also mentioned his crypto investments and an ex-girlfriend.
Tom lost $30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that?… Even Gronk was like, ‘Me know that not real money.
One joke Glaser said had an auditorium on their feet for a standing ovation, and a visibly uncomfortable Tom Brady giving her a hug. The joke went,
Tom, you’re the best to ever play for too long. I mean, you retired, then you came back and then you retired again. I mean, I get it. It’s hard to walk away from something that’s not your pregnant girlfriend (Bridget Moynahan), To be fair, he didn’t know she was pregnant. He just thought she was getting fat and Tom hates fat.
Moynahan also posted a quote on her Instagram that fans speculate is a reference to the Tom Brady roast,
View this post on Instagram
Kim Kardashian
Though almost every guest had an outstanding positive reception but there was one celebrity that was received with a loud chant of boos. During her set the audience were loudly booing even though, Brady was loudly clapping for her.
It got so bad that even Kevin Hart asked the audience to stop booing. Kim addressed this herself and asked the crowd to settle down while she went on with her jokes, which actually win some of those booing over.
I do know it would’ve never worked out, An ex-athlete, high cheekbones, silky hair… You remind me too much of my stepdad now. (Caitlyn Jenner)
Ben Afleck
Actor Ben Affleck gets slammed online because of a rant he did during the roast which targeted all those social media fans of Brady and of American football itself. Here are some parts of his 6-minute rant.
Fans have your back, You guys out there talking s***, all right, behind your f***ing keyboard, that doesn’t make you a fan. That makes you a b***…. I can’t think of a more f***ed up, dysfunctional, horrible working system designed to perpetually make people feel awful.
His rant was what many fans consider to be the worst act of the night, and was a surprise that no one could have anticipated.
Tom Brady
Of course in true, roast fashion, the roastee gets their time in the spotlight to shoot back with their own comebacks and Tom Brady made quite a few. Starting off with a quick quip towards his arguable biggest NFL rival, Peyton Manning,
I know sometimes you live in Denver,” Brady said. “And sometimes you live in Louisiana. But you’ll always live in my shadow.When I heard there was a slow, white Bronco heading down the 405 to come here tonight, I thought we might actually see a real football legend,
He also made an edgy joke that referenced the American 9/11 terror attack, aimed at Drew Bledsoe.
Like the rest of America, I will always remember where I was that fateful day in September 2001 when, tragically, those two Jets slammed into Drew Bledsoe,
That’s not the only joke he said aimed at his career because he has a particular message towards the New York Giants and Eli Manning (whom he lost to in the Super Bowl, twice). It went simply with,
F*** you Eli, F*** you too, twice.
Brady ended the roast with two middle fingers towards his critics and telling them to lose his number. Anyone looking to see the whole 3 hours of the special, you could check it out over on Netflix! And if you’re looking for some hilarious comedy shows and comedians, then we’ve got those playing every night here at Big Belly Comedy Club!
Nikki Glaser
